i got into a huge argument with my baby brother. he's 13 for chrissake! he answered me back and yelled at me for telling him i can drop him off for his dance class since my lazy sister decided her friends were more important than her own brother.
. i was about to do some errands, pay the bills, run to the bank, buy me a new nursing uniform, then mom calls: "cancel your plans today. we have visitors coming with me and we're heading there. please clean the house and prepare something for us. " mom, my sis, and i agreed this mornign that i'll be able to pick my brother but my sis needed to drop him off. i thought that was the plan.
wrong.
okay. i decided to drop my brother off but mom wanted me so much more and i have things to take care of, too. my point was just let me do the things i needed to get done and i'll attend on the errands she wanted me to do. but no, she demanded she needed me NOW. and so i agreed to drop my plans. willingly, i agreed to take my bro to dance school.
what does he do? he threw tantrums at me. even worse, it was supposed to be my fault that he was late and he didn't want to go and that he doesn't want to go....just because...he doesn't want to anymore. of course, i got mad! first and for all, you do not talk to me in a high tone when i am mellow and talking to you nicely. second, i am the older one and he is 13. third, i demand respect, whether he liked it or not. to make it shorter, he thought he was superior so i just walked away and left.
i'm typing this at the starbucks coffee here at century city ( thank god for wireless modem...) and i 've been trying so hard to hold the tears from falling down my eyes because people are around me. i've been driving around for an hour just to get rid of the anger and the hurt. truth is, i've been crying while driving. i just needed to find a spot to "cool off."
what's hurting me most is the fact that i try my best to be a wonderful sister to them. i would give them my last meal if they were starving. i'd give everything just so they are are contented. and what do i get? i get blame for things i didn't even do. and it pains me because i worked so hard just so i can provide them with life's necesities.
i am just waiting for my eye bags to swell down so i can go back home and pretend it didn't affect me. tomorrow, i'm badck to my 16 hours shift at work. tomorrow, i'll just work overtime....
to forget the twinge temporarily...to numb the pain...
any way, that was the same reason why i decided to indulge myself into 16 hours shifts, sometimes i do a double....
because i wanted to get rid of the pain...even just for a moment.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 5:02 PM
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