Final Farewell
It was a platinum and gold with aligned diamond on top. Apparently, he saved his money for months now just for that. He bought me an engagement ring and proposed to me thrice. But I never accepted any of them. " I was too young, " " I was not ready," " It's too soon, " these were just some of my excuses. But the truth is, I am really scared.
His name is Glenn. I'll cut the story short. We were friends who became a couple under wrong circumstance: we were both mending a broken heart. But love approach us in the least expected moment we wanted it. In our case, when everyone was drunk and we were the only ones sober and so we were stuck with each other that whole night at that party. We discovered so much abotu each other then. The next day, he asked me outon a date. And the rest, as they utter, was history.
. That was four years and a half years ago. Glenn and I were practically married. I knew him so well. His mannerisms, his loud giggles, his chauvinistic ego that always irked me, and overwhelming laughter as he laughed at my jokes...I knew him with my eyes close. I could tell if he was upset, if he had a problem, or whether or not he was lying to me. And in return, he was probably the only person in this whole world who knew the entire me. He took time to discover me inside and out.
Together, people thought, we were such an odd match. But we fitted perfectly because we were complete opposites. But it worked very well for us. His strengths were my weaknesses and vice versa. While he was the shy one, I was the onewho mingled well with the crowd. I loved English and Science, he loved Mathematics. Our differences made up for our imperfections. For instance, he would do my Calculus hoemworks for me and I would correct his term papers.
Glenn is now in the Philippines now for another vacation. The last time we talked, I suggested we needed to stop communicating for the betterment of each other's situation. It was probably the hardest thing I had ever done: to tell someone I loved dearly with all my heart " I love you" and Goodbye"at the same moment... for the last time. Not because my heart wanted it, but because my mind said it was the right thing to do.
Why?
She needed him more than I needed him. She, referring to the girl he impregnated in the Philippines while he was there on vacation a year and a half ago, had a baby boy. And the baby boy, named after me (she has no clue), was the endless and imprinted reminder that he once cheated on me. They have a baby together now. And their families decided they had to get marry because they now have a child. And they have to give that child a family. The child needs him. The baby's mom hungers to have him. I do not think she knew anything about me at all. Let's just say, I am non existent.
I affirmed Glenn what needed to be said. He was aware of the pain he caused me. But I with my head up high trying to hold tears from falling down my eyes. I did not long for him to see me even shed one tear. I yearn to leave him an impression that I was strong. And I am strong. But strong women cry, too. But I only did that behind close curtains. I commented he needed to be a man, to face and solve the problems and not turn his back on his responsibilities.
April 18, 2002. That was his wedding day...to her...not me...never me. I suppose, he is a married man now. I hope he is happy. The last thing I want is to regret what we had. We had an awesome time together. It 's just we were not meant to be together... forever. I yearn to savor the mementos and the times shared. After all, he taught me the greatest lesson in life: to love with all my heart and to let it go freely because it was necessary.
I had a relationship after him. But it was not the same. I could not love the way I used to. I could not feel the emotions as much as I want to. The wounds he left on me, it healed and now, it turned into permanent scars that will affect me on my decisions in love. It will take a long time to bury the pain and to stop my heart from hruting when I remember his name.
Apparently, the only constant thing in our lives is change. For Glenn and I, these unexpected events and unavoidable mistakes made us drift apart and shift our lives in two opposite directions. These are mistakes we can never erase or correct. But for me, it became my life's learning tool towards approaching experiences.
Someday, my path will cross with his. Perhaps, I can face him without feeling the twinge. Perhaps, I can see his child who has my name. Perhaps, I can talk to his wife confortably and look on her finger while she wore my supposedly platinum wedding ring that was suppose to be mine. Perhaps, I can remember our moments together and smile. Maybe then, I am fully recovered and pain free from the torment he caused me.
Perhaps, later on.
But not now.
For now, all I can do, is thank him for the love and the unforgettable memories and lessons in love and life. I pray he is happily contented. When the right time comes, I will be, too. I am looking forward to that future.
Maybe, someday.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:23 PM
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