+++ MY SILENT REVERIES +++

the things i do for LOVE
Sunday, September 07, 2008

" i DON'T feel that you LOVE me..."

all i could hear was that phrase. repeating over and over again. slashing my heart...until it bleeds and it is oozing in painful bloodshed.

i closed my eyes and sleep, even in the midst of relaxation,

my upset heart beats in loud rythm of hurt.

i love...

i love...too much...

i love...you...too much...

i loveD you... for all that you are...

and you tell me, you don't feel my love?

i love...

i still love...

i will continue to love...

YOU

despite of my heart's torturing ache...

the worst part of it....

it hurts more to know that

despite my efforts TO LOVE YOU...

you told me, you can not see it.

you told me, you can not feel it.

it hurts to know...

what i am showing you,

what i am telling you,

what i am sharing you,

the way i am loving you,

whatever i did to show you...

well, you told me...

you can not feel it...

do i apologize?

do i cry?

do i stay?

do i go?

do i stand here alone?

should i ask you why?

i can't.

i'm suffering in pain.

i look at your eyes.

i tried to hug you.

i tried to show you...

but you are numb.

you can not feel a thing.

i guess...

whatever i do....

it is not enough.

what ever i showed,

it is not enough.

whatever i am,

i''m just not ENOUGH.

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MY SILENT REVERIES

writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len

DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?

"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"

REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at

::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS

WILL OF THE WIND
dear mr. dimsum,for the many times i don't show it...
tea bags,,,cast me not..from the ONE LEGGED ANGEL
i must have done something right in the past to de...
THANK YOU....straight from the STUBBORN PATIENT
EPISODES
one hello
for the girl i once knew
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INCOGNITO

DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)

::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years

binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane

::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...

::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.

::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes

::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)

::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.

::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

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