WISHFUL THINKING
lately, i feel like my world is sinking into this deep sea of dim where no light is visible. in this abyss, i stood alone. no, i AM alone.and my friends---my true friends are too far awsay and not within reach.
i put on this fascade of a happy face. the mask of the humored clown who makes fun of herself and always the ones giving everyone around her reasons to laugh their butts off. yet, inside, my real self is crying and lonely.
then Lord, i prayed to you. "just one specific wish," i asked, "just one smile today, Lord." just one time today that i will feel happy. just one instance today wherein i would feel i fit in. just one time today where i belong.
and then it happened.
all these wishful thinking. all of the sudden, i found myself at thai barbeque with AB, just chatting the night away. to me, it was just us...no one else mattered. i don't have to pretend i am happy. i think he knows it when i am hurting and he just comes to my rescue.
my best times and my best self is spent when i am with AB. he allows me just to me myself whether it's the bratty one or the whining one. it did not matter. he just wants to be with ME. i can be anything i want and he will care for me no matter what.
what else can i say, Lord? Lord, you truly are wonderful.
WISHFUL THINKING
Thursday, March 16, 2006
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