Tuesday, August 07, 2001
95% of men are.........

i don't know if it's me but i think i have been letting people invade and overpower my capacity to love. i thought i found that someone i have been looking for for a long time in F. but i think i expected too much from him. and now, the consequences has hit me terribly.

i feared for this moment. but i also realized this pain was minor compared through the torture glenn put me through. i mean, the scar is too shallow that it will heal...soon..well, it's healing now. it's just i feel like i just let him stepped on me AGAIN. and it seems that i have been putting myself in this position where i am always the one abused and used and i am hating myself for that.

why am i always making myself look like a fool? why am i taking risks that are not worthy? why is it it seems that i am always getting promises?
i really don't know. perhaps, my experiences speaks for itself....most of the men in this worlds are jerks...MOST. i should have listened to F. after all, he was the oen who told me, 95 % of men are JERKS and there's about 5% who are not. obviously, F fell on this category of jerks, er..let me rephrase that...ASSHOLES.

life is a journey. if this potential romance didn't work, it was probably for the better rather than i discover his "assholeness" while i was already in the relationship. it was best to know it early for my own benefit. perhaps, tita lulu was right when she said that there are certain things in life that aren't meant for us. and if it was, it will chase you. life is filled with destinies.. and frank cetainly wasn't part of mines. so we'll leave it that way.

i just wonder who is meant for me? because he is taking all these time to find me. while i'm going through all these experiences of haertaches waiting for him.

i can't wait until our world clashes.

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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


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DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
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HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
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::mica::
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ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
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::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
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:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
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GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
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QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




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