he asked me to see him. i excused, "i'm too busy. i have a lot of patients." i did. i had two discharged but i also had four admissions. damn admissions. i have not seen him. it's been days. before, i see him every day of my shift. we'd have our " how-was-your-day-talks" and inside jokes. i felt guilty so from my nursing ward, i called his extension, " hey, i just want to know how your day is goin' " then he rambled, whined, and complained like he used to.
as i said, it has been days. we have not seen each other nor talked to each other for waht it seemed like months. he said he missed me and i'd always say, " oh yah, no doubt, me, too" just to keep it simple. at times my eyes were puffy, he knew i cried and he also knew it was because of this problem i have with ron. and he is probably the only friend who knew what was going on.
i left work and did not see him. i felt guilty again the next day. so i called him and asked him what he wanted for lunch. actually, i wanted to see him. i don't know why. i have ron in my life and yet, something about 'him" wants me to see him. so i bought food for him and his brother. i parked at the side curb. i got a glimpse of him from afar. i could already see his smiles. he came along, with his brother. i handed them their food. i said i was in a rush. he smiled and stared at me. i smiled back but i avoided his stares. but on his lunch bag, i gave him a thank you card with my sticky picture on it because he complained about how he never see me. now, he can see me anytime he wants. plus i gave him one of the lotions i used...he liked the smell of my hand lotion. but anyway, i left hurriedly but i told him i'll call him again when i get home.
i failed to call him because i had errands to do. at work yesterday, we had low census. i had minimal number of patients. i had every chances to see him one floor down from mine. but i didn't. i don't know why. i just felt as if it was not right. but i called him. my break times went and gone and yet i did not visit him. finally, i had one hour left and i told him, i'll bring him dinner after work.
and then i did. finally, i saw him. he greeted me with a huge smile and a loud, "i miss you, seaweed!" i smiled back. in the back of my head, i told myself, i missed him, too. but i could not say that. i was with ron. so i borught him his food in his room and we talked about our lives again. we always had wonderful conversations and laughters.
when it was time to go, i gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek like i always do. and then he said, hug him one more time...i did and then he kissed me. on the lips. he kissed me. he smiled. and i looked at him, wondered why he did that. i decided not to ask him anything. i did not need to knwo what it was for. i was curious but eh, i didn't have the nerve to ask him anyway. casually, i told him it was getting late and i need to excuse myself.
when i got home, he called, he said he missed my lips. eh. i could not say anything. i was scared. i am still with ron. but i knew how much "he" liked me. in some weird ways, he makes me happy. but he knew we could not be more than friends. i love ron but "he" has been filling up for ron's absence.
i'm confused. i decided to avoid "him" again. it's just...it's not right.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:22 PM
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