leaving everything, missing everything....

as i mentioned on my recent previous entries, i am now currently living in northern cali because of educational and career enhancement purposes. i digged my brains out if this is what i want to do. although i have all the convenience of home in los angeles such as family, friends, own bed, partying, i feel that there was a need for me to stay here. why? i feel as if it is about time to experience independence,to pursuemy goals in different environment, and just so my mother can realize my importance.

don't get me wrong. i didn't leave LA because of mama. my mother and i have typical mother-daughter conflicts like "not having boyfriends yet", or "hurry up and finish college" arguments.and it's perfectly normal. it's just i felt that it is time to prove her that i am MORE than what she thinks i am. and that this change of environment, though it is the hardest thing to do right now, will pay off one of these days.

with that said, i live in the fairly small and quiet city called modesto( you have probably heard of it from the recent congressman condit and chandra levy issues). it's such a drastic change compared to the loud and busy city of LA. my neighborhood i am in is peaceful and rather boring. yet, the houses are new. it's one of those village type houses wherein every house looks the same. but, my auntie vicky is great. she treats me like i am one of her own. she made me atemporary room of my own, she feeds me to death, and she tries to make me feel really at home. my cousins are great. i have no complains.

the school i will be going to is entirely different the school i came from. my previous school is small and yet, i enjoy the company of my asian friends. then as soon as i entered my new school in stockton, i could not believe how many filipinos i saw in just one area of the campus.well, multiply that by ten by the time i went around the campus. it was then when i realized that i was in stockton, the "manila" of california. i have yet to tell you how friendly or snobbish they are. my school is also quite a change. while my old school islocated at the ghetto part of los angeles, and i must say it was rather old compared to this new school. the new school have fishponds and japanese gardens and a huge parking lot. i might like it...we don't know.

but....i miss everything and everyone i left in los angeles.

i miss the sound of my two dogs ( max and coco) barking. i miss the smell of mama's cooking on the morning. i miss my little sister noreene's everyday stories telling me her daily escapades. i miss watching my baby brother LA's dancing moves when he performs Nsync dance grooves.i miss talking to my brother long about his endless girls. i miss how papa smiles at my every joke.

i miss the busy streets of LA. i miss the LA traffic. or is it the idea of getting in road rage with everyone there? i miss the convenience of wienersnitzel ( heck, i can't even spell it!!!) at the corner of my street.i miss how the korean owned liqour store seemed tohave my basic food gorup, rather my preferred food ~ junk food! i miss the endlesssound of horns, the downtown skycrapers, the smell of mexican food.

i miss watering the lawn and mom's orchids as soon as the sun sets. i miss saying hello to my neighbors who have been friends for years. i miss waving at them. i miss our anuual persimon picking in our backyard. i miss the endless family dinners we have at the house.i miss jollibee, yoshinoya, kowloon,and goldilocks. i miss drinking boba and eating pho'.

i miss my friends. i miss drinking with mickey, janet, steve, sheila, rara at mickey's poorch at their house until mickey getsdrunk and he starts to pee in front of us ( and never realize it the morning after).

i miss how sheila tells me everything about her men and friends. i miss messing around with joy ( with a g!!!) in chemistry and biology ( i miss how i always tap her elbow when she is writing so she ends up having a straight line on her very clean notebook).

i miss our ceaseless chitchats and joketelling at the front quad with megan, janet, kur\ya tony, ron 1, ron 2, joy, vicky, ama, mickey, niki, ate cecil, ate malou, papa jay, and sheila whilejoy and megan smoke.

i miss how we hide mickey's bag in the trees.i miss how we have petnames,mickey is "bading" ( "gay"in tagalog), steve is "scuba steve" from some cartoons rara watched, calling mickey "master" and steve "bait" so together they are "masturbate," niki is "hinhin," megan is "giant#1", joy is "with a g," janet is "bacterial girl," they call me"nerd."

what about eating at th our favorite places such as the weird dimsum places ( and food) in chinatown? think pedicured and marinated chicken feet.LOL. and how many times can i and steve go to jollibee in carson? even the cashiers knew who we were. i miss eating with the folks at the nanay gloria's, dj's , thai food, bk and mickey d's and everywhere.

i miss spring break in vegas when we ( ben, sheila, maff, and i) went to studio 54 and danced and drink there all night,.when we invaded allthe hotels in las vegas by storm, taking somany freeking pictures at bellagio,new yprk,new york, mgm,. and more. what about sleeping right next to mickey and ben, and sheila and and lucy who were all upall night and buggint the crapout ofme?

i miss geng, ate rall and tin. i missshopping at camarillo, driving to sta, maria witrh geng to visit itin. then we all go to pismo beach where we watch the stars and smoke the night away. we woudl have sex talk.i miss naming tin - keri, geng-darna...and i miss how they callme"leslie." LOL. i miss watching all the movies with ate ral. i miss going to citywalk, santee, and beverly cneter with her.

i miss clubbing at chillers in redondo with everyone. i miss going to club kiss at palace with charmaine. i miss the koreankaraoke place at vermont when we stay all night long, i miss playing billiards at third and vermont, i miss kicking it at steve's backyard at three in the morning.i miss watching prono with EEVRYONe at jang's pad

i miss charm...and maff and their kids.i missbugging charm and "kuliting" her. i miss telling maff everything. i miss crying to both of them. i miss cooking for them and feeding them to death. i miss their long stories and funny jokes.

ahh...but most of all, i miss my baby ron. i miss his laughters, his ghettoness, his smiles. i miss how he alwasy asks me if i ate and when i answer, "yes", and he would ask what i ate. and i would answer," a burger "and he woudl say, "you call that a meal?" i miss how he always says "i love you" before i sleep, i hung up the phone, and when i wake up. i miss him needing me.i miss how he says" hey girl!"and i would respond, "excuse you?!" and he shyly giggles.i miss our intimate conversations, our hugs and kisses, our story telling, our arguments. i miss being loved. i miss how he cheers me up, wipes my tears, and assures me everything will be okay. i miss EVERYTHING about him.

i recently read a sign at universal citywalk that stated, " WE do not stop playing because they grow old, we grow old because we stopped playing."

it's difficult to be away from the people and places that became attached to my heart. it's even harder to detach myself to them. ron said i have to do what i have to even if it's hard and that life is filled with things that we don not want to to but we MUST do for the betterment of the situation. and to me, this is one of them...to be away from everyone i love and cared about. life is an unexplainable cycle. it is continous and yet, there will always be constant changes. it is a challenge by itself. leaving everything and missing everything is my challenge to myself so i can succeed.it's just a matter of adjusting and playing hard and standing firm no matter how strong the strom is.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:03 AM

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