Tuesday, April 03, 2001
Sorry about my blog last night. It's quite a long story. But if you want to know, here's the short version.

I got into this huge argument with my mother regarding the way she disciplines my siblings. Can you believe my little sister Kring is getting $30.00 weekly for her allowance and she's asking for more? My gosh?! That's too much for a high school student, and she's asking more? Supposedly, she needed money for bus pass. Why does she need bus pass when she's being dropped off and picked up to and from school? I don't get it. I just don't get it. And my brother Long had two speeding tickets about $200-300 dollards each so totalling of about $500-600 dollars and my mom kept saying, " That's it, I am taking the car keys away from you ( from my brother)." But she never takes it away. She never follows through. How is she supposed ot be teachign Logn a lesson when she doesn't have a word of honor? I was telling my mom how she spoils them too much. When I was their age, I was working and earnign my own money. I mean, I didn't want them to work because i want them to concentrate on school but my gosh, I told my mom they have to learn the value of money and the hardwork. When iw as in high school, I had 5 dollars allowance.

Then my mom started rattling about how "bad" I was in the past. When I was young, I admit, I hung around in a "bad crowd." But I wouldn't say I was bad. I had A's and B's at school. I was an AP and honors student. I took leadership roles in various clubs and took volunteer training outside school. I was working at a local mall. I was never in jail, did drugs, or even smoked...now, Tell me, am I a bad kid? I went out wiht a guy who was atthat tiem a gangster buit I was never with his gang...I mean, iy was only him who I saw and kicked it with and I have long dropped his loser butt and now, my mom is taking that against me?

I don't get it. I felt so verbally abused. I am in the Dean's list, I have a degree as a vocational nurse, I am on top of my classes, I help her financially, and she was mad at me because I was telling my siblings that they have to budget their money and use it wisely? My mom said stuff that really hurt me. Even my little sibling said somethign against me such as, "what do I care?" "So what?" What do I care....I care because they are my siblings! and I care about them lately. But they just don't realize that.

I cried last night. I just felt so alone here. I mean, I have all these friends but I am not too comfortable to tell them what I really feel. The only people that I confide to is Maff and Glenn. Glenn is not calling me and I have no idea what he's trying to tell me this time ( I know he's back from the Philippines) but I am assuming he's "busy." If he choose not to talk to me, that's his problem but do not come running back to me when I decide to not have you in ym life completely.

But I thank God for you, MAFF. Sometimes, when the world seemed to shut its doors on me, I knwo there's always one friend embraces me with open arms. I talked to you today and you comforted me. I was telling you how if I didn't have a paper to do this week, I would have goen to Las Vegas already. I just want to get out of all these drama and have fun. I just want to get away from these people at home who are irritating me.

Ah, I can't wait~Oh yeah, Thank you so much, Maff. I said thank you to you maybe a million times or more, and again, really from the bottom of my heart, I am grateful for you and our friendship. Just don;t foget to pick me up fromt he airport! hehehe

Sorry for a very lonely entry. I hope things gets better one of these days.

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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
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::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
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DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

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