+++ MY SILENT REVERIES +++

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Friday, June 02, 2006

dear boy,

how many pages of diaries have i filled up writing my thoughts? how many blogs have i type in years? countless, really. strange how many of my wellversed entries here consisted of you. yet, many times before, when i am infront of you, i can never mention a single sentence about what i feel.

so when you texted me on the cell that day and asked what was bothering me, i layed all my unsaid frsutrations and hidden feelings on that elongated SMS. and i waited for your answer.

then you finally responded, you said you loved me and you loved being around me and that you never intended to hurt me...in anyway. my jaw dropped again. i could have texted you more but i ended that text with silence. i never talked to you about it again.

when rossini's brother passed away and i asked you a favor if you can drive me to the viewing, you never hesitated. you NEVER turned me down. and all these years we have been friends, that's one thing that i LOVED most about you. having you there and pretending that none of the texts we previously exchanged existed was a mixed of emotions.

but being with you there has always been priceless. your grinning smile, your addictive laughters, your "food craves," the way you pretend to speak fluent tagalag to my friend eventhough we hardly speak it infront of people together, EH....every single minute spent with you is worth well spent. you are heaven to my hell days.

where do we go from here? i don't even know. but i prayed for that text that at leaset you'd answer it and tell me what you feel because i could nto wasit any longer. and i prayed to be with you that difficult day. and i continue to pray. so far, He has answered most of what i have asked for.

i live each day as if there is no tomorrow: filled with dreams, laughters and love. half of the love i recieved in my everydays comes from you. and i think i would be selfish if i ask for more. i should be grateful.

so, AB, thank you for loving me. you've been wonderful. can't wait to be with you again.

len

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MY SILENT REVERIES

writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len

DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?

"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"

REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at

::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS

araw gabi
FAREWELL BENJOCondolence to my girl, Rossini. I wi...
NIGHT SPOT
world with - OUT - u
one thing i hate the most are losers and liars!!! ...
sana
MY ROCK
HEARTS STILL WORKS
TOP TEN THINGS
one day

DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)

::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years

binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane

::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...

::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.

::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes

::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)

::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.

::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

ARCHIVES