.....i have been chatting/talking with "mike" from ucla the past few days. you don't understand. smart men are such a turn on for me. ah...i'm not attracted to him...not yet. but how do i phrase it? i think i am impressed of his achievements. and his brains! i am challenge of people who makes me seem dumb. i'll tell you mroe about him later.
....okay, drama again. my mother called up my ate bel in the philippines and it seems that she is having problem with her marriage again. and where does she run to? us...me and my mother. my sister is 28 years old and 7 years older than me, but it seems i am the one standing up to be the big sister for my family. i just don't understand why she would marry someone who physically and emotionally abuse her. what is her reason for staying? is for security? or fear? i feel sorry for her. i mean, i would do anything to help her out. i am willign to take her kids here and take care of them. but the problem is, she is not helping herself. she is weak. she mentioned she rather be dead. i feel sorry for the kids. i know she feels helpless. but she needs to gather up strength for herself and her children. i hate my brother in law. i hate how he hurts my sister. RRrrrr.
.....see, this is one of the reason why i feared marriage. glenn proposed ot me twice and i turned it down twice. why? because i am scared. i witnessed the hurt it brought to my family, my own sister. mom mentioned," that's why i keep telling you to think twice before even marrying anyone. he has to be stable in all aspects before anything else. marriage is a lifetime decision. before you commit yourself to it, prepare for a life time filled stress. it may be good at first but the storm will come and that will test whether you can hang." well, i dont; see glenn stable in all aspects. in fact, i have lectured him over and over again about his life. btu when i broke up with him, he seems to be going the wrong way.ah idon't know.
...... i was restrospecting about my life earlier because of ate's problem. marriage hit my thoughts. i am fearful of marriage. i ought to be married someday. but it's just i don't want to regret that decision. most of my close friends are married and i see how it has put a strain on them. i dont' want my marriage to be like that. i want the fairy tale kind that has its ups and downs and yet, they overcome the tough times. i am patient, forgivign and understanding towards relationship. i think that is the key why i had long lasting relationships with men. but marriage, whoever my future husband will be, he has to be even more patient with me. i will find him. he's just there around the corner. before i felt left out because most of my friends are married. now, i am feeling a bit lucky that i am not. maybe my Lord is really giving me the option to choose the best guy there is fit for me. i will wait. man, i hope he finds me soon because i am surely gettign impatient waiting for him. hehehe.
.......cardiokickboxing is a killer. even butt muscles are hurting. and tomorrow is going to be a real torture. rrrRrr. we're running. the only positive thign about this class is the instructor is so fine. hehhehe. that keeps me going.=)
........someone out there is crazy about me. this guy calls me four times a day. hahaha. and ewww....i am not attracted to him. he's young anywayz. but ahmm, i got him mesmerized. hahaha. ego trip. well, frankly, i am falttered. at leats i know i still have my charms. hahaha.
.........maff is "not feelign well." i sur ehope you're okay. please call me soon. don't forget i am here for you.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:30 PM
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