i decided not to get glenn any gift for his birthday this year for the fact that i didn't want to cross the boundary between "more than friends" and simply, being "friends." during the past years, on every special occasion, i manage to give him gifts of all sorts. this year was probably the only time i didn't give him anything just to formalize the idea in his head that we are not together anymore even if we wanted to. however, why would i forget the birthday of the only person in this world i loved (take note, past tense) the most? though things has not been exactly been the best between us this year, it doesn't mean i am taking him off my "special people" list.
well, i waited until 12 midnight in hawaii and about 2 am here in los angeles and then i called glenn. suprisingly, he was awake. he told me he couldn't go to sleep and he had just read the letter i sent him. he mentioned the contents of my letter gave him all the emotions he can ever have: he felt loved, but at the same time, saddened by it because we are not together. he uttered he was expecting me to go to hawaii on his birthday to surprise him because i am that kind of person...spontaneous and full of surprises, but mostly, thoughtful and generous.
all this time i talked to him, he constantly reminded me how i met him four years ago. and how i blossomed from a rebellious gangster into a strong willed woman full of hopes and dreams to accomplish. i can sense he was glad i called btu at the same hand, he realized how old he's getting and how i am not a part of his life anymore.
glenn: i had no regrets loving you. things are different in a way because of the past events that occured. does that mean i love you less? no. i didn't stopped loving you. i just kept myself away from loving you because it is not the right emotions to feel. as i mentioned many times before, i am being a martyr here, glenn. if only ....if we can only rewind time and reverse the actions that took place. but the problem is, we can't. i am still dealing at letting you go. maybe, things will be better someday. right now, this is all we can ever be. but please know, that i am here...no matter what. still listening, still caring, still thinkign of you, still missing you...and behind my "i-don't-care-about-you" attitude, still loving you secretly.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 7:37 PM
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