charm and claire started teasing me about glenn. they started asking questions about glenn... questions i have avoided to answer for such a long time. i 've always talk to both of them about glenn. they started asking me about the girl in philippines. the last time i talked to glenn about it, he mentioned she is not calling him anymore. i just don't understand why she previously called glenn and told glenn he was the father of the baby and then after strenously ruining every single thing in glenn's life, she stopped calling. if there was one thing that i can depend on glenn is his honesty. he would rather tell me the truth rather than to hear it from anyone. i trusted him with whatever he said. but it doesn't mean i am taking the fact out that he broke my heart. i still want a proof it's not his...perhaps, a paternal test. but i will deal with this later.
once again, i am speculating. it was odd because the night i missed glenn, i dialed his number and he answered the phone with not even a ring. he just answered the phone. he told me he was just dialing my number on the other line. we actually called each other at the same time. maff once asked me if i coudl imagine what would my life be with glenn if we ended up being together. if there was one thing i was sure of, i knew he will take good care of me and our children. glenn adores children. in fact, he has more than a dozen god children. and every christmas, he would ask me to buy him gift for his "children" as he calls them.
is this possible? i am missing him so much. yet, i've been goign out on dates with different guys. do you believe in soul mate? if there was one person in this world who i can describe as my soul mate, it would be glenn. it's just we are like jigsaw puzzle, we complete each other in every way you can think of. if i am absent from his life, he would be partial. and i can't function as well as when he is with me. i can't hide the fact i still love him. but i am so afraid to let him know. at the same time, for the past few days, i have been sharing "special moment" with someone in particular. but i can't call it love. i can't call it like either. it's superficial. it's plainly getting to know him.
i have also been thinking about going to hawaii for my birthday. but i can't trust myself with glenn. what if we do things...things that we're not entitled to do anymore. i am quite sure we will. if i wanted him, he wants me twice as much. he wants me so bad to be with him again. but how can i? i am not compeltely healed yet. will our physical relationship heal my emotional wounds? i don't think so. it will feed my sexually thirsty self but it wouldn't cure the damage done to my aching heart.
all these speculations are in my head. i have a feeling i will be stuck with this the whole week. perhaps, the date with _______ can help me erase the confusion and just take away all the thoughts.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:23 PM
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