today is probably one of them days i don't want to wake up. i wish i 'd go to sleep and never wake up. at least, i'll die peacefully.
for all of you who are not familiar with my behavior, well, i have the tendency to close the world around me when i'm depress. i don't want anybody telling me what i can and cannot do because hell, i will do whatever i want at all cause, and i couldn't care less. i don't care if i pissed the shit out of you, or even if you're giving me advices that i just don't need right now. all i need is an ear whose willing to listen.
i don't know what got to me. glenn's getting on my last nerves, his drama, his problem with the girl in pi...damn, it wasn't my dick ( which i have none by the way) he got her pregnant then why is laid all on me, why is all his worries laid on me? and the guys...yes, all of them are also tickling my angry bone that i am on the verge of shutting them all off, mom's on this menopausal mood again and either i am her target or my brother long, my brother long is out of the 90 percent of the time, noreen is whining on her...errr everything and i am the punchign bag of her complains, my friends are nowhere to be found, actually, some so called " friends"call just because they need something from me, or wants me to do them a favor, that's the only time i am needed...when they need something, when i am the person they can depend on...damn, where are my real friends at?! shiet, even my professor gave me a freekin' C+ for a paper i've worked my butt on, and yes, i went up to her today and asked what the fuck is wrong with my paper, she mentioned that my vocabulary seemed too high that she suspect plagiarism. what?! well, i told her i will give her my resources tomorrow and then she decide if i even plagiarized. but she told me i can rewrite the goddamn paper. i just don't get it. and now, just freeking now, my brother long walked by me and asked where the damn cat is...i said, i don't know...which i really meant, i didn't know and his irky response was, "you didn't know or you don't care?" what the.....just because of a goddamn cat!!! errr....everyone's on my case.
and now, it has hit the peak. all these frustrations are overlapping on top of each other. i am on my last dose of patience, carrying the terminal of my temper, withholding the extremity of my ultimate bitchiness. one more person to indulge me to cuss them out, one more complain from anyone, one more "put me down" cirsumtances, one more offensive remark, just one more, this irritation will shatter into a grenade of fury and ire, and i am my rearmost, hindmost, utmost wrath of rage....and any minute now, i am just waiting...i am about to explode.
fuck life! fuck everyone who made (and is still making) my life live in such hate and fury! are you fuckin happy?
shoot me now. step on me more, kick me more, cuss me out like you've never cuss me out( better yet, doit infornt of me), break and tore the last and concluding piece of my aching heart(hat's all you've been doign to me anyway, why stop now?), take away my soul, fill me with more indignation and uselessness, tell me what a loser i am, laugh at me behind my back, stab me more with pain and twinge (in fact, make it bleed, create a deeper wound), slash me with an everlasting scar, make my life more meaningless (anyway, i am functioning only because i need to, otherwise, i am just a robot on a routine, a zombie in trance going with the flow).
in other words, just kill me...
in every way you can think of, in every manner you can do it
...one snap of a caliber right on my head, enermous portions of poison in any of my food or drink (it's welcomed!), stab me with overflowing bood, when i'm sleeping, burn me into ashes, don't leave any dash of my soul alive, scrapped and sliced every meat i have in my body, feed me to the hungry lions or cannibals in africa, send me to the woundign wars and make me your first combat, use me as a cadaver, just anything ..anything.
and all this miserable whinings will end and i, i won't be a hassle in any of your life anymore. i won't be another burden to your already heavy heart. give me silence. giev me solace...perhaps, that will be my only refuge. for as long as i am breathing, i am suffocated with so much ire and hatred and hopelessness. i am choking with too much emotions and problems.
wouldn't that be such a relief? i will be out of your life. no harm for you. probably better for me.
now, kill me. just do it. will you do it? or will it better for you if i do it myself?
i am tired and weary. i need to rest. give my solace. take me to my refuge...death.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 5:39 PM
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