admiration

i specified a special someone that i have been talking to for a while. i wanted to give it a try but frankly, i am so scared. i also cited that he is younger than me. and i really don't know what i feel about the age issue. my friends told me it should not be a huge of a deal but i felt uneasy that i am older than him. i suppose because i once dated a younger male and it did not go well and i had the phobia from it. and now, "he's" ( i wanted to mention his name but i think i should wait until things are going the way we wanted it to be. otherwise, i will leave him nameless. for now, at least.) here.

i can't say i like him. i can't say i am attracted. i can't say i'm in love (because i'm definitely not). then what is it? it's probably just a little admiration. admiration of what? i don't know exactly. i find him delighfully amusing and charmingly funny. he expressed how i make him happy. contrastingly, he makes me smile and takes away my stress. but i don't tell him anything. in fact, i think i got him upset earlier because i was giving him this whole lecture how i am picky and finicky with guys and how it will grapple a bountiful endeavor and multiple attempts to make me even like anyone. he asked is it because i'm terrified and scared. and i remained speechless. i chose not to comment and changed the topic. he hung up on me.

how can he read my heart? i am trying to hold my composure here. how many times did i turned my back on incidents like these? i favored to walk away from admiring anyone because i am firghten out of my wits to love again or to even like anyone. and there he is, pserseveringly patient towards my hesitant ordeal and demeanor and continously, uncomplainingly, and tolerantly wheedling and sweet talking me. he said he's willing to get to know me and he's interested. am i on denial? i'm clueless with what i feel. he amazingly showers me with praises. and it flatters me. but that's probably just that. he's genuinely magnifying my tarnished and splinterized self esteem.

we'll see how the approaching days go by. i find him adorable and romantic. he has some of the qualities i like i.e., educated, funny, cute, tall, God fearing...but then again, i don't have enough basis to like him. there's so much more to discover and unmask about him. but for the time being, he makes me feel good about myself and that's a plus. what's the score? ( rating it from 1-10) maybe a 6.5. he gets upset everytime i tell him this. well, it's because i am still on the getting to know him stage.

i am both optimistic and pessimistic. optimistic because he seems to be working hard of making me liek him . pessimistic because of the risks i have to take especially the risk of getting hurt . ahhh...i really don't know. i admire him for what he is as a human being. but more than that, i will it unended and i will follow through when the time traspire.i have all the time in the world. let's wait for the right time to predict our future.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:51 PM

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