Self Confidence
Both at the Memorial Service and the Funeral Service this morning, my aunts and cousins and grandmas and friends are notcing how much I lost weight. And "what was my secret?"
I have to admit, it boost up my destructed self esteem. I have been feeling rather "ugly and chubby" lately. I am dwellign on my inferiority complex once again and it has been painful. The praises I got from my family and friends are very self gratifying and self inspiring. I appreciated it. It felt good inside. It brought back the colors to my tarnished and "black and white" soul.
What was my secret? STRESS. Stress from everything: a broken heart that's mending and a soul that's recovering, a painstaking dedication for school, the immense drive to succeed, the diligence and patience to take on an on call 12 hours shift at work and go to school half asleep, the unconditional love for my family that even my whole body is weary, I still make sure they are well fed and taken care off, sleepless nights, bountiful barrel of tears.....That's my secret. Is there any other way to do it? I dont' know. I just know this has been my regimen.
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