"cry it off, if you must, let your tears take away the blues," i reminded myself today as i sniffed and sniveled . my puffy eyes are showed immense sobbing. my weeping heart is drowning in melancholy. and yet, i am too coward to show and expressed my grieving emotions.
i wished i can. but it is not something simple to discuss. the matters are too difficult to analyze nor understand. some of them, i am not even prepared to discuss myself. perhaps because i am hungry for a lot of nontangible things. none that you can find easily on your everyday life.
i thirst for love: the feeling of being in love and the idea of having someone there to be with me. the reality of having someone to understand me even though i am the most difficult person to understand because i am such a inquiring analyst. the sweet times when someone brings me lunch at work just because...having the knight and shining armor who will fight every life's battle with me even if it is the hardest thing to do. they said love is like a tea, you will never know how strong it gets unless it is soaked in hot water. where is that kind of love?
i thirst for acceptance: to love me as me. i don't have to be anyone you want me to be. i just have to be the plain and simple me. the simple me who enjoys watching the flickering stars at night and adores the brightness of the moon. the simple me takes pleasure in making fun of myself and makes other people pee in their pants laughing. the simple me who still have to have her favorite blanket before she goes to sleep otherwise, she can't sleep. just....take ...me ....as me.
i thirst for space: the desire to be outside my norm. i wish i was still standing on top of the empire state building and just letting myself take in the view. strange because that is peaceful to me. what about the morning walks at the brooklyn bridge as i cross the bridge from manhattan from east 14th street and avenue c? i like being lost in new york city and finding myself in the middle of union square, allowing myself to be taken away by the wave of people coming in and out of the subway. actually anywhere will do: at my favorite suite at rio's masquerade side hotel in las vegas, the breathtaking and breezy pismo beach at night where geng and tin and i smoked our butts off when we wanted to get away from lola fe. i am not asking for more. i am simple like that.
truth is, i'm just hurting.
my heart is heavy and my soul is breaking down. sometimes, i blame myself for it because sometimes, i feel like i am pushing my ownself to the max that it's like a mad rush of karma springing back to me with twice the power.
Lord, help me. take the anger away. take the pain away. let me be free from all the frustrations. that way, i can serve you better and love myself better more than you had always love me. feed me strength, my Lord. don't let me sink in in the abyss of lament.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:38 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home