rrr. ron and i engaged into a major fight about everything. it just blew out of proportion. i was so upset that i suggested we should take a moment ( couple days) off each other. but he keeps hesitating.he asked why do i hurt him that way? what does eh think? it's not hurting me that we are arguing? our arguments derived from simply mentioning "glenn's name"(which by the way, will never be mentioned, according to ron) to saying something minor to my cousin that "ron was 'bitching' on me..."*it's true though! but ron said , i am making him look bad in front of my cousins.
then it just exploded into, "maybe, you found someone new there....," or," maybe, you still love glenn...", and "i'm so wrong and you are so "always" right again," and " "you never say 'sorry', i always apologise..." dialogues. gosh. i wanted to leave. actually, i hung up on him couple of times and went to bed and bath for a while just to calm down because i tend to say hurtful words when i am angry. and then ron blew up my cellphone's voicemail by conitnuing giving his goddamn lecture on it.
but behind my angry heart, i missed him. and it was probably hurting me more because i was hurting him and not mean it but i knew i did. but if you were in my position, wouldn't it be better to relax and say,"sorry" and mean it...afteryou are calm and at ease rather than apologizing on the spot and not mean it? i wanted to cry at the store but i held my tears because people were all around me. yet, it was killing that i didn't say sorry for my share of mishaps so i called, apologized, and uttered,"i love you."
and then after couple hours, we argue again....nonstop, like a cycle. what am i to do? he was yelling hysterically and unreasonably. and it was, once again, getting on my freekin' nerves. and so i stayed quiet ....the whole time and responded sarcastically to his nonsense argumentative questions. i mean, he has not seen the "peak of my bitchness" but i swear, it is getting there.
that was about three hours ago. he said he will call me. so we can discuss this in private and peaceful manner. and what time is it now? it's 2: 00 am . and where the hell is he? i have no goddamn idea! i am aware that these petty love and hate arguments are part of a relationship. and it should be our foundation to work things out. but it's both draining us out and i don't want it to be that way. maybe, i am too stubborn to say sorry. but i am not just verbally expresssive of my feelings and emotions as he is. i am not perfect and these are one of my many flaws. but is that even worth arguing to this extent?
gosh....men. i need ron. i love him. but at moments i thought i comprehend them, they get more complicated that even if i analyse the situation in all angles and explain view point towards it, i will still be wrong because their brains are so narrow-minded. so what is the point of explaining myself? if i say something, it is misinterpreted. and if i do not say anything, i am still being attack.
why is it every single thing matters when you are with someone?i terribly miss him.gosh, i hope he realizes that it took me years to decide to get into another relationship and he was the ONE i love that is why i am with him. i just hope he realises my importance, too. i do not want to lose him. right now, he inspires me. i will fight any battles with him. i am just trying to calm down.
* i hope we can settle this petty fight...as soon as possible....perhaps,tonight.i can't sleep without apologizing to him. i hope he calls ....so if i do end up sleeping tonight, it will be a good one.
ILOVEYOU, beb. gosh, if you can only dig deep in my heart, you will know how much.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 2:35 AM
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