Yesterday, I was on my way home barely heading out of school and all of the sudden, I stepped on a gum. And freekin' gum was so sticky that every time I made a step forward, my left shoe adhered to the ground. So I tried to get rid of the goddamn gum but it brazed itself so adhesively on the soles of my shoe that I felt so uncomfortable walking especially over the fact that I was walking on a five inches platform shoes.The gum affixed itself like a wall paper onto my shoe. It was so cleaved , it hindered me to walk properly and I appeared as if I was limping or something. I walked terribly funny.
Last night, my insomnia attacked again. I have been very successful at not thinking of Glenn. Perhaps, it's due to the many stress I've endured the past weeks. I've been so preoccupied with school and everything else and I completely lost track how he has been. Until last night. I knew he called last night. I pressed my call return feature (*69) button at 2 am and the operator mentioned that whoever called was a long distance phonecall. You see, no one calls me long distance except for Glenn or Maff. I clarified with Maff earlier today if she called and she said no. It has to be Glenn. I called him up and he answered the phone and then I hung up. He was up at 11 pm there. His sleeping time is usually at 9 pm because he works at 4 am.
Now why is he up? Why did he call me? And why am I thinking of his loser ass again? I conditioned myself I should be over him. It is not right to think of him. Please, all I want is to be unshackled and unchained from speculating and contemplating his state, to be release from missing his presence in my life, to disenthrall myself from our past romance and to liberate myself into unconstrained opportunities and mindless dating, and to enjoy some other person's company without comparing his attributions to Glenn's qualities.
But the truth is, by the end of the date, I still project grieving and joyless thoughts and unforgettable memories of us together, the loneliness remained burried deep in my aching heart, the ceaseless tears still falls from my sobbing eyes and worse yet, I exceedingly miss him. But it's the wrong concept to cogitate. It's like the forbidden apple that the Lord banned Adam and Eve to eat in Paradise. And yet, there's that relentless temptation.But I know where my boundaries are. Feasibly, I hope and yearn to be better at handling these matters of love. Undoubtedly, someday, I will be able to improve at not letting any thoughts or memories of Glenn in my head and progress at focusing on what lies ahead of me that is positive.
It's just at this time, I can't refrain from feeling the hurt and the pain. I can't shut off our memories completely. It's just like the gum stuck on my shoe...it's clinging there like a cement.
And only time can detach it. Only time. *sigh*
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:17 PM
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