dear dimsum,

i have spent the last couple of days focusing on other things besides thinking of you. most of the time, i am successful at finishing the household chores and other tasks i have to attend to, or appointments to go to. but there are times when even i could not help it but keep you in my thoughts.

i find it so difficult to write this letter. we have agreed couple days ago that we'll have a little time off away from each other . this way, we can breathe. we can heal our pains. i am giving you that space so you can vent. but each day had passed, i missed you more.

i asked myself why does it have to be this way? i need you and yet, i can not have you there beside me right now. i want to be just there next you, caring for you and making sure you are fine, but we can not do that right now because we are dealing with mending ourselves and finding ourselves amidst the most difficult trial of our life.

truth is, i have not had a decent sleep since i last saw you. i still think about the last hug you gave me: short and sweet. i still think about the last time i gazed into your eyes and it is full of ache. i still think of looking back towards your direction as i walked away that early morning.

but i didn't. it was way too painful to look back and see the sadness in your eyes. besides, i did not want you to see the tears slowly falling from my eyes as i walked away from your car. you've seen me shed enough tears for the past few weeks.

i wanted to run back and hug you the second time. i wanted you to come after me and hold me once again and tell me it is going to be fine. i wanted you to hold my hand and not let me go. i wanted to but you did not. i did not want you to see me crying. nor to tell you that i was hurting. but i knew, you knew.

and so i walked away...even if it was the hardest thing for me to do. i walked away even if all i wanted to do was sit next to you. i walked away even if my heart stated stay. i waled away because that is what you wanted. and loving you is giving you what you wanted.

it has been days. and i've been nothing but miserable. my nights have grown colder. my phone is in silent. i've been forcing myself to sleep early to not accomodate any thoughts of you entering to my head. i wished i can drive to you and just see you but that would be breaking our deal.

so i sleep early. i force every chance to just close my eyes. because when i do, at least, i get to hold you there once again. i get to be in the warmth of your loving arms.

despite the space between us, i want you to know that i still wait patiently for the day when you can hold me again up close and personal.

i still love you. i always did. i still do.

please come back soon.

love always,
your princess