LETTER TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
Friday, April 08, 2011
to the love of my life (dimsum),

you once told me you read this blog about my stories of love and brokenheartedness. you said, i really am in too deep when I am inlove. those were stories i wrote out of brokenheartedness. then i stopped writing after i met you. i've written stories about you here. but perhaps not as intense. why? because i was protecting you. I was protecting my privacy with you. Nonetheless, I was proud to tell the world hjow much i love you.

truth is, i don't know how to tell the world how much i love you. there is no love story greater than i had with you. you are, by far, God's greatest gift to me. You loved me at my very best and you understood me in my worst.

I know, it's not easy to love me. I am stubborn, opinionated, easily-angered, controlling individual. It was also hard to let anyone in my world because i have been betrayed so many times. I was scared to fall inlove because I was scared to be hurt again.

Then you came along. You melted my cold, icy heart. With you, i let my guard down and i let you in my heart. At that time, I thought I could not love anymore, you came along and taught me how to love again.

We had a little fall out three weeks ago. It was one of our most difficult misunderstanding ever. I was about to have a procedure the following day and all I thought was you. You have not checked on me that day when you usually do.

That was when I realized, I don't think I can survive a day without you. You've given rainbows to my dull, blank everydays. Suddenly, my days became empty. my days are painted in pitch dark black.

When I saw you, I just wanted to hold you close to me, to look into your eyes when you talk to me, to hold your hand, to feel your warmth of your hugs, to feel how much you loved me. And I see in your eyes, the void to look at me and the cold shivers from your hugs.

MPerhaps, it is my fault. I've been mean and angered and I said things that hurt your feelings. They might have pushed you away. I am trying so hard to win you back. I am trying so hard just to have a glimpse of you. I'm still trying.

I told you, until the last breath of my life, I will keep trying. I will try even if if takes me all of my lifetime. Why? Because I know this journey with you, to love you and be loved by you was worthied. I took the risk the first time. It has been three years and a half, I am willing to take that risk again.

I love you more than words wil ever say. But I hope you always forgive me for my mood swings, my inconsistencies, my imperfections and all my shortcomings.

I am here...waiting for you to shower me with your love again.

For the mean time, I will see you in my dreams...where I can hold you close filled with love.

Always,

Your Princess.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
I'm back...
THE BIKE
COUNT
RICH or POOR
the fence
bamboo tree
rays of hope
what matters most
i'll never get over you
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: sand and stones


DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

ARCHIVES