i had a terrible day yesterday. as early as 8 am, i am approached by a roaring, unexplainable anger from my own mother. ahh. once again, she enumerated how much of a loser i am ~~~as always. then my father comes to the rescue and defends me and it annoys my mom even more. i vowed to keep the new year positive. i did sob because i didn't want to hear what my mother had to say. it's just i feel that she's so impatient taht regardless how much i achieved, it will be worth nothing to her.
so i spent the day sorting out my thoughts yesterday. i contemplated on my life the previous year...the year i left behind. i don't want to recall the pain because it will hurt me more. i yearn to remember the good times...times i spent laughing with my ex boyfriend, RON; or just those unexpected dinners with my friends charm and diane and we talked the night away; or what about the times my siblings and i would sneak out three in the morning from our parents just to eat out at PHO.
then i thought about what i want in my life this year. i want...to even be stronger than i already am. i feel that over the years, my strength is being tested. and the more i encounter pain, twinge, tribulations, and meet back stabbing people, the more i am polish as a human being. i learn to counterfight and counter change the negative emotions, i learned that i can't change people and that i can never please anyone, and as of now, i am struggling to slowly love myself (all my life, i questioned my self worth). but most of all, i think, 2001 taught me that a broken heart is only temporary because time will lead me to another being who will care for me and love me better than the previous relationship i have been in. it's just a matter of waiting for the right time.
but the discovery will not stop there. i am sure there will be unanticipated encounters of hate, of being stepped on, of feeling lonely and worthless, of hurt and pain, or anguish and anger, of...hopelessness, and of...shattered heart and unromantic gestures. there will be situations when i will cry, when i will be hurt, when i will meet people who will take advantage of me without my knowing, when i will fail, when i will get discourrage, when i will get my heart played with and look and feel like a fool again.
but i am a tower of strenght. i have proven that each time i fall, i get up easily even if it was the hardets task i even have to do ( like right now). i insist to not let people pin me down because i am more than that. i didn't establish the foundation of strength i have in me now for these people to drag me down.i built this for me to scriimmage and attack the negative forces driving me down.
so beware for this new lioness in me for the year 2002. because this lady refuses to stop fighting. and if there's one thing i vowed, i will keep fighting.
besides, why stop now? i 've gone this far. i am sure i will go along way. watch out.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:36 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home